The Onion of Grief!

I have discovered that grief is like an onion! There are many layers of loss and just when you think you have discovered all the layers there is another one to peel off. The bible says "two become one flesh", for widows we have indeed lost a part of us. We have lost our biggest fan, our cheerleader. We may have lost our financial advisor and yard man. Realize that losing your spouse will change you, but you too are the same person you have always been. If you have been caring for a terminally ill husband, you may have forgotten the woman that stares back at you in the mirror. What you like to eat or hobbies you used to enjoy. Take the time to dream and find her again.

As a widow, you have now stepped into a very strange world; the world of singleness, another layer of loss. Becoming single again changes our status in more ways than checking the "widow" box at the doctor's office. Widowhood changes our relationships in many ways; with couple friends, co-workers, husband's co-workers/business partners, girlfriends and even family. Whether you were married a year or 50 years becoming single again is very odd. As a widow you still feel very married, after all if you had a choice you would still rather be married. I often hear widows expressing sadness over losing their couple friends after the death of a spouse. Most widows I know still would love to continue to be invited to outings and parties with their couple friends. As widows we can spend a lot of our precious energy mourning all those relationship losses, but to quote Miriam Neff "actions don't lie". If many of your married relationships have fled, forgive. Realize that not all people are comfortable helping others through traumatic situations. Embark on a new search and find a small group of healing people to become your true authentic network of support.