Packing for College: Essentials and Moving Hacks

You have made it through all the senior lasts and now looking ahead to moving your young adult off to college! There are entire websites out there dedicated to selling you anything and everything to make any dorm or apartment space as bougie as you want. 

As this may be an emotional time and big milestone, our parental, emotional anxiety may fuel us to purchase way more than our student may need! My goal was to plan for small spaces (think NYC apartment) and convenience of moving. After all, you may be doing this for quite awhile. Give your wallet and back a break! Trust me, as someone who works in higher education, come May move out you will be wondering why you bought all the things!

After deciding on bedding, this is my top list of essentials that are worth the dough:

1. Moving bags: 

They typically hold up to 50 lbs, have sturdy straps and fold into each other for easy storage. 

Moving hack: If you have room, pack a hand truck and stack the moving bags. Most universities have some moving carts, but then you won't have to wait in line for one. 

Packing hack: Categorize bags by rooms or items and label with painters tape. Wash all linens and put Bounce sheets in the bag to keep them smelling fresh. 

*If you need to stay overnight prior to move-in, remember to pack electronics in one bag and carry in to hotel with you to protect them from the heat.*

2. Cleaning supplies: 

Again, don't buy the farm because they probably won't use them. My son's essentials are: a small vacuum, broom with telescoping handle/dustpan, Dawn Powerwash, and Lysol wipes. This small vacuum turns a dustbuster into an upright vacuum and is super affordable. 

3. Essential Oil Diffuser: 

Dorms can be musty. Most colleges do not allow candles, but a small diffuser can eliminate odors and create an inviting environment. 

4. Fist Aid Kit:

Nothing worse than waking up sick in the middle of the night  for the first time away from home and needing to go to the store. Much easier to talk your student through how to care for themselves when you know what they already have on hand. 

Fill kit with meds for stomach virus (Nuun electrolyte tablets, Imodium, Zofran), respiratory infections (pain reliever, cough meds, sinus rinse), topical cream for rashes, and Band-Aids. 

*Be sure if your student has regular prescription meds to get refills before move in and research pharmacies to transfer prescriptions. 

5. Lamp with USB charging ports and surge protectors.

 6. Extra Storage: 

This storage container from Target looks like furniture and will fit under a lofted bed. 

7. Closet Organizers: 

Flat hangers, vertical pant hangers, over the door shoe rack, over the door coat rack.  

Moving hack: Group clothes together and tie garbage bag around them to keep them clean. Hang on a wardrobe pole in the car and they all easily transfer straight to the dorm closet. 

8. Wedge or Husband pillow to create a head board:

9: School/Miscellaneous Supplies: 

Laptop, pens, pencils, notebook, paper, scissors, tape, and  small tool kit. 

This is one of my favorite multipurpose space saving tools: ( a hammer with screwdrivers that store in the handle).

* I would skip buying a printer as most professors ask for assignments to be turned in electronically and there are printing centers on campus. 

10. Kitchen Supplies: 

Many colleges now have suite and apartment style living on campus with full kitchen or kitchenette. Before you invest in an air fryer or small grill, make sure you check your schools housing policy as many consider these to be fire hazards. 

Chances are your student isn't going to become a 5 star chef once they move away! I only bought supplies for my son's go to meals: smoothies, frozen shrimp, mozzarella sticks, eggs, cereal, and ice cream. (blender, ice cream scoop, bowls, small oven pan, frying pan, utensils, oven mitt, kitchen towels). 

I must confess his freshmen year, he did surprise me and called his grandma for her homemade pizza dough recipe and made calzones for his roommates. He had a grand time shopping all on his own for the ingredients and supplies needed for this meal!

Speaking of food...On move in day, don't forget to have water and snacks on hand to keep the crew hydrated and  from getting hangry. 

Happy packing! I promise your student is going to do great in their next chapter. 

Let your love give them roots to help them find their wings!

Blessings, 

Katie

 Path to College: Successfully Launching a Young Adult

This fall my oldest started college! After all the college visits, soaking up senior year, and planning for move in, I feel a huge since of , "I did it! We made it!" 

I would venture to say that every parent aims to raise a kid to be an independent, productive member of society. Maybe my vocation of being a speech language pathologist in higher education gives me a unique perspective of the daily living and academic skills one needs to be successful after high school graduation. In our household, this process of preparing starts well before high school because learning any new skill takes practice.  When a parent aims to incrementally give over responsibilities starting in middle school, a high school graduate can leave the nest as a confident well adjusted college freshmen. 

What "AIMS" should parents have? 

From my observation successful adults have mastered skills in the following areas: 

• Academic Success
• Independent Life Skills
• Management of  Time and Finances
• Spiritually Grounded

If you are reading this and not a believer, that's okay. This may still be wise advise for raising well adjusted young adults. 

ACADEMIC SUCCESS: 

Getting to class: The first part of academic success is being able to wake up and go to class on time. Starting in 6th grade in our house, you are responsible for waking up with an alarm on your own. 

Communication with teachers is also vital part of academic independence. In middle school, I help my kids draft professional emails to their teachers and coaches and only step in to the student/teacher relationship when absolutely necessary. 

Studying/Tests/Projects: Important to teach middle schoolers how to plan ahead for projects and tests, so they can effectively manage their time and complete assignments on time or study ahead of time. Train them to write all assignments in a planner. 

AP/Dual Enrollment: I see so many students stressed about AP classes and Dual Enrollment courses. My thought is if they want to take these courses in subjects they really enjoy great! If the prospect of an increased course load or  having to go off campus for Dual Enrollment is a stressor, it's not a big deal. Let them enjoy high school! Make the decision that best suits your student. 

INDEPENDENT LIFE SKILLS:

Cooking: I've taught my kids a balanced meal consists of  a protein, fruit, veggie and carb. In middle school if they chose to pack a lunch , the responsibility fell on them. I also gave my kids the responsibility for selecting a menu for dinner one night a week and asked that they help prepare that meal. And yes! I heard lots of complaining! But now my freshmen calls me and asks me to send him his favorite recipes. 

Cleaning: My kids are responsible for cleaning their bathroom and room weekly. Notice I said clean as in hygienic. If they choose to live in a mess in their room, I let that be their choice and shut the door. But the room must be free of garbage, food, and vacuumed once a week. 

Laundry: Second semester of 6th grade, I had my kids start washing their own clothes. 

In order to get compliance with these life skills, I found it helpful to draft a contract with clear expectations and a time these tasks were expected to be completed, so no kid could say, "You never told me I had to do that!"

MONEY & TIME MANAGEMENT:

Parents differ on philosophy of teaching kids money management and giving an allowance for household chores. In order to teach my kids money management prior to them being old enough  to be employed, I reward them for completing household tasks on time with a small monetary reward.  This gives them the opportunity to learn money management principles and experience the delayed gratification of saving for an item they really desired to purchase. 

I have found Busy Kid  to be very helpful in teaching money management skills prior to a student being old enough for a checking account. The Busy Kid card is a loadable debit card. In the Busy Kid app, you can assign monetary value to chores and pay your child as well as send bonuses for trip money or special occasions. The app divides money into 3 categories and allows you to set the percentage for each category: Spend, Save, Share. 

In our house, we believe that all money belongs to God and He asks us to be a good steward of what we are given. He wants us to first share a portion of our income with others, spend some to live on, and save the rest. As you can imagine, teaching kids to share and save may be a difficult principles to learn and made need lots of practice, so I wanted to instill this early. 

In regards to time management, I've tried to instill in my kids work first, play later in order to prioritize tasks and manage their time. Also setting limits for screen time and keeping a regular bed time are important habits to learn as we won't be with them in college to tell them PlayStation time is over! 

SPIRITUALLY GROUNDED:     

My biggest aim as a parent was to produce kids with sticky faith; faith that would be their own and carried out in life beyond the walls of our home. Teaching them the core values of the Christian faith, ,how to solve problems and manage conflict using God's word was my main goal. I helped my kids evaluate situations in light of what behavior needed to be put off and what fruitful behavior needed to be put on. 

Our family was rooted in weekly worship and service in our local church. I tried to teach my kids that being involved in corporate worship as well as Christ centered community through attending a small group is essential to their faith journey. 

"You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self...and put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness." 

Ephesians 4:22-24. 

As I move into the consulting phase of parenting with my oldest, I pray that all I aimed to teach helps him feel academically prepared, equipped with life skills, rooted in faith, and ready to soar into his new community! 

Mental Health: Be Proactive

During this time of quarantine due to the Corona virus, we are in uncharted territory. Being out of our normal routines and forced to be indoors may spark a secondary crisis, mental health issues. Honestly, mental health is a game of chemicals; keeping your brain balanced with good ones to counter the bad ones. There are quite a few things that you can do to be proactive from falling into the pit! I find it is better to be proactive than reactive!

1. Stay on a consistent sleep/wake cycle: You may have a tendency to fall into the thinking of sleeping in late. Continue to set your alarm to wake up in the morning and go to sleep at the same time each evening. Continue to shower and dress as if you are going to work. If you are working from home, this will help you remain in a work mindset.

2. Exercise: Physical activity releases a combination of oxytocin and dopamine; the feel good chemicals. I think of these as pac man eating up stress hormones in our brain. See, anxiety releases cortisol which lead us to feel stuck in fight or flight. Stay stuck in fight or flight long enough and you fall into the pit of depression. Aim for 20-30 minutes a day. Walks outside give you the added benefit of a change of scenery and fresh air. If you can't get outside, you can still do jumping jacks, run in place, or toning exercises with canned goods or hand weights.    

      

                                                 

                                                                    3. Guided Meditation: This mental exercises is    also referred to as mindfulness. This is a great  tool in cognitive behavioral therapy to stop negative thoughts by bringing attention to your body and focusing on other positive thoughts to halt obsessive thinking. My personal favorite is Rhonda Jones as it is Christian guided meditation with scriptures peppered throughout. You may find her in iTunes or at: thechristianmeditator.com

4. Journal, pray and read: The brain has no digestive tract! 

Your thoughts may continue to loop unless you commit them to paper. If you are experiencing anxiety, tell yourself this is temporary, you will get through this rather than entertaining thoughts of "what ifs". In our house we always say "what ifs" come from the devil! Rather choose to send your thoughts through the thought filter of Philippians 4: 8. "Finally brothers and sisters whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praise worthy --think about such things." Praying turns your thoughts over to God and reading helps you travel outside your current circumstances.  

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus! 1Thessalonians 5:16

5. Play cognitive games: Keep your brain awake and working by     playing Scrabble, Catch Phrase, Taboo, crossword puzzles, and        word searches.                                                                                                                                                                                                

6. Be Social:  You may not be able to be face to face right now. My apologies for those whose Love Languages is physical touch! Fortunately, we are living in the technology age. Utilize FaceTime, Google Hangout, or Zoom meetings to interact with your colleagues and community groups! Reach out to those you know are living alone or elderly who cannot get out and ask how you can help them. Looking outside yourself is another great way to maintain good mental health!

Praying for continued physical and mental health!

Katie

Hope For Tomorrow: Navigating the Seas of Disappointment

Ever noticed life is an ebb and flow between calm waters and storms of disappointment? From my observation, the people who have the greatest joy and emotional fortitude are people who have learned to navigate the disappointments of life well! I’ve come to realize there are three lies disappointment whispers:

    

                                      I’m not enough. 

                                                ...God is not really for me!

                                                    ...Now, I've missed my chance! 

When the waves of disappointment crash in, a sure way to loose your footing and get knocked flat on your keister is to pout like a toddler who didn’t get what they wanted, live strictly on your emotional heartache, and turn to self loathing . 

Bon-voyage on the Ship O’Despair ! 🛳⚓️ Believing the lie that the best of life is behind you and you’ve lost all chance of realizing your dreams tosses all hope for a future overboard ! To navigate the seas of disappointment well you have to combat those lies with truth. 

The voice of TRUTH speaks:

YOU ARE ENOUGH! 

You are worth wanting, loving, liking, pursing, fighting for, and keeping!

"You are my servant. I have chosen you and have not rejected you.

¹⁰ 

So do not fear, for I am with you ; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:9-10

There are times we make decisions that land us in a mess facing consequences. A healthy dose of introspection is good! Let me say that again... a healthy dose-- not a dose that leads to self condemnation!! Ask yourself : Did my words encourage or tear down? Did I love well ? Act with integrity ? If you can answer yes, you will find the situation /hurt wasn’t really caused by you or about you, rather about the character /integrity of other party which is beyond your control.

GOD IS FOR YOU! 
God opens and closes doors , gives good gifts to His children, delights in you , and made you in His image . (Romans 8:31; Rev 3:8; Gen 1:27; Zeph 3:17) He is most certainly with you and for you!

POSSIBILITIES AND OPPORTUNTIES ARE LIMITLESS !

You can trust that God is always at the helm! God can restore and bring opportunities that are far more than we can orchestrate, ask, or image. (Eph 3:20) 

The truth is disappointment can actually be God’s grace and favor. Grace is God’s unimaginable generosity (Desmond Ford) . His generosity is sometimes saving us from ourselves; from our plans. Sometimes that grace is saving us from darkness hiding behind a seemingly good business deal or seemingly good relationship. God knew imminent disaster was just around the corner. 

I had the gift last weekend of a long time friend reminding me what a gift of evangelism my late husband had . Her story brought to mind a couple of years prior to Micah’s death, he had a vision to buy acreage to build a home , barn, and dig out a pond. He wanted to use this to serve our church and host youth events . We felt this 6 acres we found were perfect! Not foolish plans, good plans right? Used for God’s glory, right? Imagine our disappointment that the land was sold right before we put in an offer and was then subdivided. 

Y’all that disappointment was God’s grace!! God saved me from being a widow with two young children way out in the boondocks being overwhelmed taking care of a lot of land! Can we all think of a time God had our “6 “when we didn’t even know the tsunami that was coming? When we were about to plunge into a rip tide mess that would pull us away from God’s best for us? That the job offer you were certain would materialize , the best friend who left you in the dust, the fiance' that called off the wedding ...was actually God’s redirection .

God’s redirection was actually for your protection. Sometimes what actually felt like rejection and demotion was God’s favor and promotion. 

Anchoring to His PERSPECTIVE in response to disappointment is everything ! A soul shift to proper perspective exposes the lies of disappointment to the light of God’s truth. You can CHOOSE to lean into God by having a heart posture of thankfulness and asking God , Show me the next thing ! "Show me the very next words of love to be spoken, to the very next heart, that's shattered and broken...the next way you're gonna use me." (Casting Crowns, The Very Next Thing).

Please hear me out ! I’m not discounting the cutting emotional pain that accompanies disappointments. The anxiety that can ravage veins , the fog of grief is all raw and real. Emotional pain leaves gaping holes and hearts heaving for breath . In order to make it through the storm, cling to the Master rather than the mast ! He has more out there for you beyond the gale force winds and sea squalls tossing you about . Know this current state is temporary, there is so much more to your story . Your life is a glorious unfolding !!!

When your core is to be a vessel, His hands and feet to bring glory to the ONE that made you, navigating life’s crashing waves of disappointments gets a little easier —makes the emotional pain a little more palatable while you sail through your storm and eventually port in more peaceful waters ! I promise once He has safely pulled you into harbor, one day you will gaze out to the turbulent wake of the Sea of Disappointment behind you and shed tears of joy ! You will be able to say, “Lord , thank you ! Now I see! I see that was the misery and destruction you rescued me from enduring !” 

Until the whole world hears, 

Katie

Music Behind The Post:
Steady My Heart: Kari Jobe

Hope in Front of Me: Danny Gokey

You Are: Colton Dixon

The Very Next Thing: Casting Crowns

Glorious Unfolding: Steven Curtis Chapman

Haven't Seen It Yet: Danny Gokey

Stained Glass Reflections

Here we are again on the dawn of a new year. The last eleven moons and  an Advent season gone by have given me much to reflect on as God has whispered defining words to our haven.

BROKEN BEAUTY: When brokenness and beauty exist simultaneously.

"Sometimes to get your life back you have to face the death

of what you thought your life would look like." ~Lysa Terkeurst

As a widow, there will forever be this bridge we live on embracing past, present, and future simultaneously. Much like stained glass pieces welded together to create a masterpiece of beauty, pockets of joy will be mingled with some twinge of sadness especially for my kids. Transitions invariably rip Band-Aids off hearts as the realization sinks in, this side of heaven a nuclear family of four won't be pieced back together. While there has been so much joy and peace this season, Christmas Eve I realized putting out the kids St. Nick and stuffing stockings alone will NEVER feel normal.  

FLUID: the act and art of practicing being flexible despite changed plans, disappointments, and chaos that comes your way. I am learning to adopt a new Ann Voskampism, "No expectations. Only gratitude because all is grace. " Amid the ever changing plans and hustle of the season, this new phrase has helped me be present minded and enjoy those present without getting my tinsel in a tangle! Most often God ends up righting plans or realigning schedules better than I could have ever dreamed.

GRAFTED: To transplant or implant (living tissue) into a bodily part; to replace a damaged part or compensate for a defect. 

Our Advent tradition is to read Unwrapping The Greatest Gift (Ann Voskamp) family devotionals and hang corresponding Jesse tree ornaments on our tree. The Jesse Tree tradition takes you through the genealogy of Jesus. Ya'll, this year I was squarely hit with GRAFTED IN and GRACE. In Jesus' lineage there are harlots, adulterers, and incest. (This sermon is a great walk through Jesus' lineage: (Ancestory of a King) His lineage clearly shows no one, no matter what they have done, is too far gone or excluded from the opportunity to be grafted into God's family. His lineage makes me want to be keenly aware of who our family has grafted in and to stay vigilant of who in my midst needs to be grafted in? The forgotten, the lonely, the battered, the grieving? 

VISIONARY PARENTING: Parenting with the focus and intention of creating servant hearted disciples which is evident by behavior shown to the nuclear family. 
Ya'll its been almost a full year since I penned the Home Sweet Home post. Almost a year since I sat my kids down and asked them to forgive me for believing "all siblings just fight" and "true character is who others outside our home tell me they are".  A year focused on building each other up rather than tearing our home apart brick by brick. 

I'm still in this campaign to create servant hearted disciples whose character in our home matches the behavior outside our home. Most days if I’m honest, I wonder if I’m making any ground at all . Truth be known, today in this house has been savage. Truly, the strife stirred up, the critical tone of voice, the bickering, makes anger flash in my heart. I'm emotionally drained; however, I've resolved, I'll do whatever it takes! I’ll do whatever it takes to keep instilling character and truth in love that who they are and how the people under our roof are treated is the most important ! It's important for now and also for the generations to come. 

"Let us not grow weary in doing good, 

for at the proper time we will reap a harvest, if we not give up." 

Galatians 6:9

I continue probing hearts--"Servant or selfish ?" "What kingdom are you serving ?-- The kingdom of Light or of the Dark? There are only 2 kingdoms ." I'm trying to make a conscious effort to hang up the hat of yeller and lecturer; to lecture less and pray for their hearts more ! When my words ring sharp and I think, "How many times does it take? When will they learn? ", I’m reminded of my own need for grace. I stop to ponder how many times my Heavenly Father could shake his head at me over the sin present in my own life .  But he doesn’t say, " I told you so!" or "When are you going to learn ?"  Instead He extends grace!

GRACE is..."undeserved, unearned, unearnable favor. Grace is the message of Christmas for Jesus came down to be love in a body. Love is GRACE and TRUTH all. the. time! Like life, GRACE is not fair, it's better than fair; disturbingly better than fair. For every sin has a GOTCHA. Jesus came to GETCHA!" (Andy Stanley; Undeserveable 12/2018) 

Resources:
Jesse Tree/Advent Family Devotional : Unwrapping The Greatest Gift by Ann Voskamp

Visionary Family Ministries: Visionary Parenting
Cross Point Church: Ancestory of a King, Michael Buffaloe

North Pointe Church: Undeserveable, Andy Stanley