Hope For Tomorrow: Navigating the Seas of Disappointment

Ever noticed life is an ebb and flow between calm waters and storms of disappointment? From my observation, the people who have the greatest joy and emotional fortitude are people who have learned to navigate the disappointments of life well! I’ve come to realize there are three lies disappointment whispers:

    

                                      I’m not enough. 

                                                ...God is not really for me!

                                                    ...Now, I've missed my chance! 

When the waves of disappointment crash in, a sure way to loose your footing and get knocked flat on your keister is to pout like a toddler who didn’t get what they wanted, live strictly on your emotional heartache, and turn to self loathing . 

Bon-voyage on the Ship O’Despair ! 🛳⚓️ Believing the lie that the best of life is behind you and you’ve lost all chance of realizing your dreams tosses all hope for a future overboard ! To navigate the seas of disappointment well you have to combat those lies with truth. 

The voice of TRUTH speaks:

YOU ARE ENOUGH! 

You are worth wanting, loving, liking, pursing, fighting for, and keeping!

"You are my servant. I have chosen you and have not rejected you.

¹⁰ 

So do not fear, for I am with you ; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:9-10

There are times we make decisions that land us in a mess facing consequences. A healthy dose of introspection is good! Let me say that again... a healthy dose-- not a dose that leads to self condemnation!! Ask yourself : Did my words encourage or tear down? Did I love well ? Act with integrity ? If you can answer yes, you will find the situation /hurt wasn’t really caused by you or about you, rather about the character /integrity of other party which is beyond your control.

GOD IS FOR YOU! 
God opens and closes doors , gives good gifts to His children, delights in you , and made you in His image . (Romans 8:31; Rev 3:8; Gen 1:27; Zeph 3:17) He is most certainly with you and for you!

POSSIBILITIES AND OPPORTUNTIES ARE LIMITLESS !

You can trust that God is always at the helm! God can restore and bring opportunities that are far more than we can orchestrate, ask, or image. (Eph 3:20) 

The truth is disappointment can actually be God’s grace and favor. Grace is God’s unimaginable generosity (Desmond Ford) . His generosity is sometimes saving us from ourselves; from our plans. Sometimes that grace is saving us from darkness hiding behind a seemingly good business deal or seemingly good relationship. God knew imminent disaster was just around the corner. 

I had the gift last weekend of a long time friend reminding me what a gift of evangelism my late husband had . Her story brought to mind a couple of years prior to Micah’s death, he had a vision to buy acreage to build a home , barn, and dig out a pond. He wanted to use this to serve our church and host youth events . We felt this 6 acres we found were perfect! Not foolish plans, good plans right? Used for God’s glory, right? Imagine our disappointment that the land was sold right before we put in an offer and was then subdivided. 

Y’all that disappointment was God’s grace!! God saved me from being a widow with two young children way out in the boondocks being overwhelmed taking care of a lot of land! Can we all think of a time God had our “6 “when we didn’t even know the tsunami that was coming? When we were about to plunge into a rip tide mess that would pull us away from God’s best for us? That the job offer you were certain would materialize , the best friend who left you in the dust, the fiance' that called off the wedding ...was actually God’s redirection .

God’s redirection was actually for your protection. Sometimes what actually felt like rejection and demotion was God’s favor and promotion. 

Anchoring to His PERSPECTIVE in response to disappointment is everything ! A soul shift to proper perspective exposes the lies of disappointment to the light of God’s truth. You can CHOOSE to lean into God by having a heart posture of thankfulness and asking God , Show me the next thing ! "Show me the very next words of love to be spoken, to the very next heart, that's shattered and broken...the next way you're gonna use me." (Casting Crowns, The Very Next Thing).

Please hear me out ! I’m not discounting the cutting emotional pain that accompanies disappointments. The anxiety that can ravage veins , the fog of grief is all raw and real. Emotional pain leaves gaping holes and hearts heaving for breath . In order to make it through the storm, cling to the Master rather than the mast ! He has more out there for you beyond the gale force winds and sea squalls tossing you about . Know this current state is temporary, there is so much more to your story . Your life is a glorious unfolding !!!

When your core is to be a vessel, His hands and feet to bring glory to the ONE that made you, navigating life’s crashing waves of disappointments gets a little easier —makes the emotional pain a little more palatable while you sail through your storm and eventually port in more peaceful waters ! I promise once He has safely pulled you into harbor, one day you will gaze out to the turbulent wake of the Sea of Disappointment behind you and shed tears of joy ! You will be able to say, “Lord , thank you ! Now I see! I see that was the misery and destruction you rescued me from enduring !” 

Until the whole world hears, 

Katie

Music Behind The Post:
Steady My Heart: Kari Jobe

Hope in Front of Me: Danny Gokey

You Are: Colton Dixon

The Very Next Thing: Casting Crowns

Glorious Unfolding: Steven Curtis Chapman

Haven't Seen It Yet: Danny Gokey

Stained Glass Reflections

Here we are again on the dawn of a new year. The last eleven moons and  an Advent season gone by have given me much to reflect on as God has whispered defining words to our haven.

BROKEN BEAUTY: When brokenness and beauty exist simultaneously.

"Sometimes to get your life back you have to face the death

of what you thought your life would look like." ~Lysa Terkeurst

As a widow, there will forever be this bridge we live on embracing past, present, and future simultaneously. Much like stained glass pieces welded together to create a masterpiece of beauty, pockets of joy will be mingled with some twinge of sadness especially for my kids. Transitions invariably rip Band-Aids off hearts as the realization sinks in, this side of heaven a nuclear family of four won't be pieced back together. While there has been so much joy and peace this season, Christmas Eve I realized putting out the kids St. Nick and stuffing stockings alone will NEVER feel normal.  

FLUID: the act and art of practicing being flexible despite changed plans, disappointments, and chaos that comes your way. I am learning to adopt a new Ann Voskampism, "No expectations. Only gratitude because all is grace. " Amid the ever changing plans and hustle of the season, this new phrase has helped me be present minded and enjoy those present without getting my tinsel in a tangle! Most often God ends up righting plans or realigning schedules better than I could have ever dreamed.

GRAFTED: To transplant or implant (living tissue) into a bodily part; to replace a damaged part or compensate for a defect. 

Our Advent tradition is to read Unwrapping The Greatest Gift (Ann Voskamp) family devotionals and hang corresponding Jesse tree ornaments on our tree. The Jesse Tree tradition takes you through the genealogy of Jesus. Ya'll, this year I was squarely hit with GRAFTED IN and GRACE. In Jesus' lineage there are harlots, adulterers, and incest. (This sermon is a great walk through Jesus' lineage: (Ancestory of a King) His lineage clearly shows no one, no matter what they have done, is too far gone or excluded from the opportunity to be grafted into God's family. His lineage makes me want to be keenly aware of who our family has grafted in and to stay vigilant of who in my midst needs to be grafted in? The forgotten, the lonely, the battered, the grieving? 

VISIONARY PARENTING: Parenting with the focus and intention of creating servant hearted disciples which is evident by behavior shown to the nuclear family. 
Ya'll its been almost a full year since I penned the Home Sweet Home post. Almost a year since I sat my kids down and asked them to forgive me for believing "all siblings just fight" and "true character is who others outside our home tell me they are".  A year focused on building each other up rather than tearing our home apart brick by brick. 

I'm still in this campaign to create servant hearted disciples whose character in our home matches the behavior outside our home. Most days if I’m honest, I wonder if I’m making any ground at all . Truth be known, today in this house has been savage. Truly, the strife stirred up, the critical tone of voice, the bickering, makes anger flash in my heart. I'm emotionally drained; however, I've resolved, I'll do whatever it takes! I’ll do whatever it takes to keep instilling character and truth in love that who they are and how the people under our roof are treated is the most important ! It's important for now and also for the generations to come. 

"Let us not grow weary in doing good, 

for at the proper time we will reap a harvest, if we not give up." 

Galatians 6:9

I continue probing hearts--"Servant or selfish ?" "What kingdom are you serving ?-- The kingdom of Light or of the Dark? There are only 2 kingdoms ." I'm trying to make a conscious effort to hang up the hat of yeller and lecturer; to lecture less and pray for their hearts more ! When my words ring sharp and I think, "How many times does it take? When will they learn? ", I’m reminded of my own need for grace. I stop to ponder how many times my Heavenly Father could shake his head at me over the sin present in my own life .  But he doesn’t say, " I told you so!" or "When are you going to learn ?"  Instead He extends grace!

GRACE is..."undeserved, unearned, unearnable favor. Grace is the message of Christmas for Jesus came down to be love in a body. Love is GRACE and TRUTH all. the. time! Like life, GRACE is not fair, it's better than fair; disturbingly better than fair. For every sin has a GOTCHA. Jesus came to GETCHA!" (Andy Stanley; Undeserveable 12/2018) 

Resources:
Jesse Tree/Advent Family Devotional : Unwrapping The Greatest Gift by Ann Voskamp

Visionary Family Ministries: Visionary Parenting
Cross Point Church: Ancestory of a King, Michael Buffaloe

North Pointe Church: Undeserveable, Andy Stanley

When the World Stoppped Turning: Our Journey from 65 Roses to a New Bed of Roses

Seven years, seven months ago, April 13, 2011 to be exact was the day our quake happened! My friend, collegiate ministry partner of 14 years, husband, and father of two kids heaved his last breath in ICU at UAB Birmingham. I remember him hanging on; hanging on for three long weeks after a pulmonary bleed from cystic fibrosis complications. Our days during that storm were a roller coaster ride. We lived in a time warp from blood gas to blood gas draws, on ventilator, dialysis, through being in a coma, and waking up...

When I arrived at his bed side that Wednesday afternoon, I knew! I knew today was the day, the day of his ultimate healing. The day he would step into the presence of the Father. There was no doubt, no escaping the jaundice look of death he wore. Guant, frail, lifeless. I also knew the “eye of the tiger” needed my permission to quit fighting; quit fighting to return home to the two babies he so wanted to see grow up! The babies doctors told him he would never have!

I bent low, mustered up the bravery to whispered in ear,  “I’m going to be ok, the kids are going to be ok . I’m just going to pray, I’m jealous you are with Jesus.” Mission accomplish. Within two hours the descent started.  Heart rate drop, blood pressure lower, breaths shallower.  That was the day our "65 roses" (cystic fibrosis) chapter slipped away .

I’m not sure I can articulate the fog I walked through or the seemingly insurmountable task of trying to settle an estate/restructure finances, and return medical equipment , all while simultaneously dealing with my grief and walking a 7 year old and a 22 month old through their own! I recall feeling lost, alone, and drowning in emotional exhaustion!

In December 2011, my friend, Emily, met us where our family story began on our college campus for family photo shoot. Seeing brown eyed boy and blue eyed girl fingers grasping my hands in photograph as we walked across front lawn with fountain streams in background, I made the resolute decision the time had come for party of three to move from "65 Roses" to a new bed of roses. I had the opportunity to show my kids love is win-win proposition (Davis Chappell) and pain doesn't have the last word. 

This morning on the eve of Thanksgiving, this beautiful journey of loss to restoration crossed my path. The Brookers story of becoming single parents, blending families, and creating a new bed of roses is hope-inspiring! Enjoy!

Daniel and Brittney Brooker's story
Brooker Blog

Give The Rose of Hope

The past few days weight has been heavy on chest and I have felt tears close to welling in eyes. Short on temper and words a bit terse. I realize a steady steam of stressors on this single mom, widowhood-walk have left this servant feeling empty and love tank bare. A fresh refilling, full measure of spirit- love, encouragement, and hope  needed to rain down and replenish my soul. Ever been there? Ever held up hands and declared, "Yes Lord,  an emotional resuscitation is in order!"

I exit the car and mount the terra-cotta brick steps at the accounting firm. As I approach the desk, the assistant exclaims, "Oh! I have your return right down here!" Honestly, I was surprised she knew my name and told her she was good at remembering. "Well, I have been here for quite a long time!"

What didn't register for me was just how long I had been a client! Seven years. Seven springs ago, they began helping me wade through all the financial questions I didn't know how to resolve in the business of death and settling an estate. This was in fact the 8th tax return they had filed for me.

As I give a couple of pages my John Hancock, I hear her musical voice comment, "I love your ring!" I glance down to focus on what ring she is referencing.

"Oh.....thanks! It has special meaning. The first book I read after my husband died was Roses In December and my blog is A New Bed of Roses."

As I walked back to the car I was reminded, a compliment so small

spoke so much to my heart. This ring and this bracelet I clothe myself in each day had fallen from my sight and become

mundane rather than the hope and "65 roses" (cystic fibrosis ) reminders they are meant to serve.  Her compliment was God reminding me of His  promises to bring beauty out of ashes and that sometimes earthly miracles still happen among us. She unknowingly gave me a rose of hope!

On this side of Easter, thankful for his resurrection and for laying eyes on his earthly "65 roses", life with new lungs miracle in the flesh! Grateful a compliment reminded me to put on love, keep looking at others with eyes of grace, and find the gold within ; to build others up, to give them a rose of hope in the midst of life's chaos. You never know when a seemingly small word may speak volumes to renew another heart!

...let us exult in our sufferings and rejoice in our hardships, knowing that hardship (distress, pressure, trouble) produces patient endurance, and endurance, proven character (spiritual maturity); and proven character, hope and confident assurance (of eternal salvation). Such hope (in God's promises) never disappoints us, because God's love has been abundantly poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

Romans 5:3-5 AMP



Home Sweet Home: The day I ask my kids for forgiveness

Our holiday, winter break was truly sweet. Those days are etched in my memory. I didn't want it to end. The most peaceful Advent season we have had in years. We were truly able to keep our eyes on anticipating the Christ child's arrival; marvel at a baby coming to earth to be God with skin on.

To be sure we were intentional with our time, we made a "joy jar", filling it with ideas for quality time and fun excursions to experience around town. We enjoyed movies nestled beneath warm blankets while flames danced in the fireplace. Balsam and fir wafted in the air, while little hands constructed gingerbread houses and arranged sprinkles on cookies. 

With the clinic closed, we savored a whole week lounging in PJs and sipping coffee while gazing at twinkling lights on tree. After New Year's, an unexpected gift arrived....SNOW! I delighted in being witness to the first time my kids have felt flakes tickle noses and melt on tongues. The glee of hands scooping cold mounds and hurling through the air pelting sibling. We recounted my own childhood memories of snows in metro Atlanta where their granddad bought us make shift sleds from Ace Hardware. Black concrete mixing tubs gave us hours of rides down our steep driveway. Our southern region had not received snowfall in decades! Isn't that just God? He gives unexpected gifts just because he wants to bless his children. The break truly felt like home sweet home!

Yet, peppered throughout the break were scenes not so picturesque. Squabbles and screams. Jeers and tears. Sharp words that penetrate soul. Loud verbiage, slammed doors. Savage. My kids can turn savage. I am left perplexed  as to how this mean chaos happens again and again? If you were to ask me if I teach my kids? If I seek to discipline and disciple my kids? If I  probe their sinful hearts and point to their need for Christ? If I get them to examine their behavior in light of God's commands, fruit of the spirit, and love for others? ......My answer is a resounding YES!

 

As I seek retreat to the master suite to escape for encouragement, I hear conviction and truth  through a series of sermons. Rob Rienow's words made my toes and heart ache a bit. Thought I was probing little hearts and steering them in the right direction with great intention. I came to realize, I have been fooling myself. I have been believing lies.                                                                       

I sat my kids down at our kitchen table with a bag of marshmallows, a cardboard house, and their bibles.                Joy reads, Proverbs 14:1......

"The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers downs (brick by brick MSG)."  

Then I humbled myself. "I need to ask for your forgiveness. Please forgive me. I have discovered I have been believing two lies. Lies that I have allowed to tear down our house. "


Silence. Amazement sat on faces. "I've been believing, 'Siblings just fight!' When in fact, siblings are God's design to give you an encourager, a prayer partner, and accountability.  I've also been lulling myself into thinking your true character is who others say  you are outside this house. You are who your teachers, friends, and youth leaders compliment; brag about. When in fact, your true character is who you are in this home. If you want to know what kind of friend you are, it's how your treat your brother. If you want to know what kind of husband you will be, it's how you treat me."

"See this house? This house is a visual representation of our home (pouring in marshmallows) . We can build it up or tear it down! I love you enough to teach you how to make a home, a sweet home. Will you do your part?"  

                                                                                            

During an interview for her role in the film, Wonder, Julia Roberts commented on the script that gripped her. "Compassion.... Compassion is not something you want to be lectured about, you want to be infused with it. " My prayer is our home is infused with love, empathy, and compassion. Since we constructed our marshmallow abode that final day of winter break, it sits as the centerpiece of our kitchen table. When harsh words ring out, marshmallows removed symbolize to little hearts they are choosing the foolish way, tearing down our house brick by brick. I wish I could tell you this teaching tool has totally transformed life under our roof; that sibling spats have ceased and encouragement from mouth abound! Not hardly! But, I do believe I've seen the aroma of my kid's hearts become a little sweeter.

"For we are to God the pleasing aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing."

2 Corinthians 2:15 

Resources:

Rob Rienow: Visionary Family, Visionary Marriage

http://visionaryfam.com/

Through the Looking Glass: Letting Advent Transform Your Pane

The screams of Christmas lists,  family tensions strung high , custody schedules, and complaints echo through my ears . I feel like I'm standing still watching all the squabbling  of the season happen before me through a frosted window pane. And I want more than anything to beckon them to come and see how I see; to offer them a piece of my peace .

In my world, the perspective on the other side of the looking glass, cozy Advent atmosphere : White lights tinkle, an advent wreath, a Jesse tree.... my haven is awaiting , waiting with anticipation . Waiting for a babe. Because a babe, fully God, fully man, a Savior coming, our vocabulary changes from all the "have tos" to we "GET to" ! From seeing lack to seeing all we have! 

Make no mistake , life under this roof is not all a bed of roses. The realization , the pains of Advent put all first world problems into crystal perspective . And if one allows , grief can transform panes from pains. The lens of gratitude lights the path to counting life as joy and peace .The lens makes all things new.

I can't help but know there are people out there praying for what most take for granted . A roof over head, four wheels to drive, pantry of food, accessible medical treatment, faucet flowing drinkable water, eyes that read, ears to drink in sounds of the season,  diplomas on wall....all make me wealthier than 75% of the world's population.

Through the glass I see all I have only because of the one who gave it all. The one who took holes in hands knows all the holes in your heart . Discovering your holes leads you to the only one who can make you whole .  Love came down to bind up the broken hearted and set the captives free.

Breathe. Breathe in hope. Breathe in peace. Breathe in joy. Breathe in love...

for the Christ child is coming !